Monday, January 26, 2009

"Welcome to The Suck"

I borrow that phrase from a film that did indeed suck--Jarhead. May it live forever in "wasted opportunity" heaven...

The "Suck" I refer to is January Movie Hell.

I find myself devoting more and more of my blogging time to analyzing the Awards Race and perfecting my 2008 Retrospectives (which will be posted by week's end). Why? Because the movies just aren't worth writing about.

Why should I write a long-winded review of Bride Wars? Is the film's trailer not review enough? Actually, speaking of the trailer...if I were to write a review of the film, it would center on the notion that Trailer Cutters--those who edit the two minute-and-thirty second spots we see before the Feature Presentation starts--have better filmmaking skill and sharper comic timing than do the actual filmmakers. The trailer for Bride Wars is funny and effective; the film is decidedly less so. The problem is that the filmmakers take scenes that work in the trailer and then put slightly different, much less funny spins on them. I like Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson. They work pretty well together. The film is...okay. But the effort is about as lame as you would imagine coming from the vaunted First Movie of 2009.

Why should I write a long-winded review of Paul Blart: Mall Cop? It is another piece of ridiculousness churned out of Happy Madison, that Adam Sandler-run company responsible for every horrific piece of shit Sandler ever makes. The twist--if I can even call it that--here is that the film is actually PG-rated, and thus fun (?) for the whole family. It also stars Kevin James instead of Sandler or Rob Schneider, which is HUGE step up. James is likable in a way the usual stars of these movies are not, so he at least elevates the film to a level of watchability...except during the scene in which he's wrestling an obese woman in the middle of Victoria's Secret. At that moment, I wanted to kill myself...or the filmmakers.

We have two--oftentimes three--months of "Suck" ahead. Hopefully, as happens on occasion, a few interesting films (and maybe one great one) will pop up early in the year.


the WIZARD, fkap said...

You might return to your idea of reviewing films suggested by your readers. I'm still waiting for Howl's Moving Castle.

OFF TOPIC: I'd love to have you both visit my site for a post that continues a discussion from last year on K's original Ikonoclast blog. See If You Seek Amy

J McKiernan said...

Oh, goodness...I know, I know...the Movie Review Jukebox failed to take-off for a variety of reasons. The deal was basically this: time got away from me to do the few requests readers did make, and then no one else made a damn request. It's okay, though--maybe I can bring that feature back soon. Whatever the case, I will get a Howl review on there soon.

Will also visit your site to see this post.